The Swanky Hen

God Made. Jesus Saved. Texas Raised. Crazy Wife. Hot Mess Mommy.

Dimming Someone Else’s Light Won’t Make Yours Shine Any Brighter — May 20, 2019

Dimming Someone Else’s Light Won’t Make Yours Shine Any Brighter

A lot has been going on since my last post. I’m going to be honest about the writing gap. I have still been writing. I have blog posts written about life, décor, and remodel progress. I took a break from posting them because I let someone’s own insecurities and judgmental words get into my head.

I sat at a dinner a few weeks ago and I heard someone talking about blogs from the end of the table. I write about our remodel progress and have dabbled in blogging, so I was interested. What I heard was anything but kind. Aside from senselessly bashing a woman for blogging it was thrown in that people who blog should just stop because nobody cares to read it and they must have nothing better to do. Hmmm … necessary … kind … wholesome? No. It hurt for a myriad of reasons. I’m quite sure they knew that I have a blog, so it was just another blow in what has seemed like months of hurt. I wasn’t just hurt for myself, but it was just so senseless and evil to attack people for writing.

Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

Soft hearted, too sensitive, and taking all the things to heart … that’s me. Its not what the bible tells me to do and it sure isn’t a fun way to live. I am working on it, but its hard, y’all. Why are people so mean? I seem to have a knack for walking into situations where people are bashing others or bashing me. It happened many times in Victoria. I am apparently as quiet as a mouse because people never knew I was around. Jason always told me that its just what happens in the workplace, but my mind was always baffled by employees criticizing him when he did so much for them … and he was damn good at what he did. Instead of wanting to cry it made me angry. I often wish I was angrier instead of so emotional when it happens to me.

Rather than moving past these experiences I dwell on them. I feel the hurt deeply and it lasts a long time. I remember them vividly. Those are all awful qualities and nothing you want to do, I promise. I have worked a lot on myself in the past year, especially the last 6 months. I am better about forgiving, but I have not mastered forgetting. I know forgetting isn’t something that has to happen, I know forgiveness does not equal trust or relationship, but I really wish I could block out all the memories. The times I walked in on people I care about saying senselessly mean things about me, bashing me or my family, or at the worst, saying things that are false and unnecessary.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

I know I can’t change what other people do and I sure can’t control them. I can’t snap my fingers and forget the evil words or hateful things that people say and do, but I can try to live everyday by not causing the hurt for others. I have experienced a lot of that senseless hurt over the last few months. Maybe it was intentional and maybe not. Maybe the blog crap was pointed at me and maybe not. Either way it hurts. Being left out, set aside, talked about, made to feel like you aren’t good enough, its all hard. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I get mad. Most of the time I don’t understand. Lately I have been most comforted by scripture, by understanding that there is a plan and a reason, and it won’t always be dark.

There have been times that I wish I wasn’t so soft hearted, that I didn’t care so much, but I do think that is me. I love hard and I care a lot and I know …

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17-18

So, here’s to caring less about the words and actions of others and remembering more of His truth. If I want to write a blog about home décor, style, remodel, how I feel or even about a sermon my pastor gave, I’m going to do it. I am going to talk about how I feel and what I like, but I am going to do it with grace and kindness. I am going to continuously work to be the best version of myself and to help others achieve the same.

And its like I always tell my boys, “Dimming someone else’s light won’t make yours shine any brighter”. So lets help other people shine.

 

 

WHOOP! — October 4, 2017

WHOOP!

FAMILY TIME!!! Life has been chaos since Hurricane Harvey. Most of the time I think my life is a hot mess, but since the storm, it is just pure craziness!!! (Side note: we were super blessed and didn’t suffer major damages. Our lives are still a mess.)

My husband works all the time and I am used to that. We are blessed in the fact that I can drag my kids to our office so they can see Daddy and we have a great team that tolerates their visits and occasional noise. Since Harvey we have gone from having Jason work a lot to having Jason work all the time. Usually 6 days a week he is home after the boys are in bed and we just don’t see him a lot. Even when he isn’t in the office working, he is meeting with insurance adjusters, meeting with customers, past customers, doing site inspections, and the list goes on. He’s just in high demand and there is only 1 Jason. Unfortunately right now, we don’t get a lot of him.

Last weekend we were a little shorthanded, but we still decided to make our annual trip to College Station for the All Aggie Rodeo. We really needed it this year. Jason roped GREAT, especially considering we just got horses back south a week prior and he rode them once. He won 3rd in the Open TR.

2017 aggie game On a weekend when we probably needed to rest a little, we decided to go ALL OUT! We took the boys to their first Midnight Yell on Friday. All Aggie Rodeo on Saturday afternoon & Aggie Game on Saturday night. Church with friends on Sunday, a beautiful baby dedication, and lunch before we left. Cannon was a little tired, but had a blast. Caden absolutely loved everything!!!!!! He wants to go back to another Aggie game as soon as we can and went ahead and put in a request for Aggie Baseball or Football tickets for his birthday. He’s already bleeding maroon!! Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2033 coming at ya! Cannon’s favorite parts were the popcorn, lemonade, and pizza! Caden’s favorite parts were learning about the Corps of Cadets, Aggie Band, Aggie Football, and the Yell Leaders!! He loved yelling BTHO South Carolina!!! We talked about only using that word inside Kyle Field. Hopefully he remembers 😉

All in all, it was a great weekend!!!! I am so glad we took the time to step away and have some family time!! It was needed by all!! Huge thanks to our sweet friends, The Herrmann’s for letting our family, dogs, and horses stay at their place. We love and miss y’all so much! Thanks to the Walsh’s for hanging with us at midnight yell, the rodeo, and the game! We always have a blast with y’all! At the age’s of 4 and 6 we have made our college destination decisions. The Calkins’ Boys will be members of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie Class of 2033 and 2036! Did you think we would have it any other way???