Posted in Livin' la vida loca!

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

How is 2020 treating you so far?

I had a “saying goodbye to 2019” post ready to go for the new year. I wrote it up in early December, edited and never even scheduled it to post. It was real and raw. I had a lot of goals and plans for 2019 last December, but many were never going to happen, and I didn’t even know it. Even though I had a rough winter I was excited for the new year, excited for our new ventures and ready for a positive 2019. My New Years post got into the nitty gritty of what my year was like, how I had no control and all the crap I dealt with.

I decided not to share it because its not going to change anything. Sharing can be cathartic, but it can also scratch the scab on deep hurts that are trying to heal. After I was handed my new reality I got stuck for a long time. I was sad and really freeking mad. Some days I still feel both emotions strongly. I think its ok to hurt and be disappointed, but I try to also use discernment with where my thoughts and emotions are coming from … am I really feeling this or is the devil whispering in my ear?

I saved my letter so I can process my thoughts, but I don’t want to focus on that extreme negativity in the new year. I try to be eternally optimistic and I pray that 2020 will hold much better things. I don’t have a laundry list of resolutions or a huge list of goals, but I have a plan. I resolve to grow in my faith, to continue to raise strong, Godly boys, and to be true to myself. Whatever I achieve this year I will be proud of and happy with. If things don’t go like I envisioned I will trust that Gods plan was bigger.

If I keep it simple, I believe it will lead to more peace. As always, I plan to write more and share more on this platform, but it only happens when I have time and that is rare. I’m studying for a test right now and took a break to re-focus. I’m not much of a sitter so stretching my mind with a short post was a perfect break for me.

2020 has just begun, but if it doesn’t look like you planned, take a step back. You are never alone and all we can do is Trust in Him. If anyone ever needs a listening ear, someone to pray with, talk to, or sit with, I am here. I was blessed during a hard year with friends and family that listened, prayed, and encouraged. Also, never be above seeking help. If you are dealing with hard things there are professionals that can help you work through them. We only get one life and if we get stuck for too long in the yucky stuff we are just wasting it.